Zombie Walk

I went to Downtown Denver yesterday to shop and wander around. Little did I know there was an event going on called the Zombie Walk. There were thousands of people there dressed as zombies! And although I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack the entire time I was in the crowd, I was impressed by the creativity and snapped a few pictures... 

     






           

Chaos

I am frightened that I may be Bipolar or be suffering with Cyclothymia, a less severe form of Bipolar Disorder. My mood swings are wild and out of control. It's at a point that it's affecting my personal relationships and quality of life. I have friends who have remarked, particularly in the last few weeks, that my ups and downs are very obvious to them. I have lost 9 pounds in the last two weeks, I feel inept at decision making, my sleeping patterns are being disrupted despite taking sleep aids every evening, and my moods swing wildly between elation and depression, sometimes in as little time as 24 hours. I thought everything I've been through in the last few months could have been the reason, but I'm seeing a pattern that has extended even beyond the craziness of the last few years. I feel like a lunatic, I feel all over the place, and I feel like I'm doing damage to my life. I have been researching and the more I read about it, I am convinced I am suffering from a mood disorder. My mother was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when she was 38. The doctors misdiagnosed her and treated her for depression for over 10 years before they realized what she was dealing with. Bipolar Disorder and Cyclothymia may be genetic, and the chances of being diagnosed with it jump if you have a parent that has been diagnosed with it. I feel distressed and alone, and really powerless about what I'm going through. I've been advised to find a psychiatrist that specializes in these disorders, and I am searching but haven't found one yet. On top of my fear of what I'm dealing with, I am scared of the cost and time it will take to diagnose and help stabilize me. And I am dismayed at the thought of having to be medicated for the rest of my life. Being in therapy lately has help me to realize this is something I can clearly remember dealing with as early as 10 years old. And while I know that I can't be diagnosed without a professional, self tests have me scoring very high on the scale of the possibility of being affected with Bipolar Disorder or Cyclothymia. I feel scared and very alone in this chaos...

Love & Happiness

Some lovely messages to start the day...

Roller Coaster Ride

Life is so crazy for me right now! A little over 2 months ago I left St John, and an abusive marriage. I moved here to Boulder, CO and the entire experience has been such a roller coaster ride. Some days I feel so strong and capable, like I can do anything. Other days I feel painfully alone in the world and at a loss as to where my life is heading. Unfortunately I feel alone and lost more than anything else. When I moved here I came with one suitcase and a few hundred dollars looking to start my life completely over. It has been an unimaginable struggle! There have been some wonderful highs, some devastating lows, and some times in between that find me bewildered and wondering what to do next. I'm really ready to get off this ride. I wouldn't mind a boring, mundane life as long as there was some love and companionship in it. I'm waiting for the day that things finally settle down for me. In the meantime I feel like I'm doing all the right things. I get up and go to work, I get out and try to meet new people, I'm in counseling once a week, I attend support groups, I try to stay active with biking, walks and yoga, I volunteer... I'm just waiting for the heartache and overwhelming loneliness to abate. Here's hoping it's sooner rather than later... Please send love and light my way? I need it!

xoxo,

Kourtnie

Raising Your Vibrational Energy

I really believe in trying to raise my vibrational energy. If you do too here are 10 easy ways to do it (thanks to in5d.com). Here's the link to the full article: Why Raising Your Energy Vibration is So Important

There are many free and simple ways to raise our energy vibrations.  Here a just a few:

1. Meditate – many of the people who say they don’t have time to meditate will find time to watch TV.
2. Get out into nature – whether it’s a walk or planting a garden or bed of flowers!
3. Stop watching TV – and meditate! … or simply do something else that gives you a positive return of energy.
4. Play with your pets -  our pets give us the lesson of unconditional love which always raises our vibrations.
5. Watch children playing -  try to remember the fascination of experiencing things for the first time, or the innocence of childhood
6. Exercise – as long as your able to do so, then go for a walk in nature and you’ll get two benefits at the same time!
7. Forgive yourself and others – none of us are perfect and there are those who either have hurt us, or that we have hurt. Forgive them but also remember to forgive yourself.
8. Express gratitude – be grateful for the beauty that surrounds you, even if it’s a small tree in the middle of a big city.  Be grateful for the meal you are about to eat and anything else that has been blessed to come into your life, including some of the negative things that ended up being wonderful life lessons that expanded your spiritual growth.
9. Face your fears and see them as an OPPORTUNITY to spiritually evolve – fearing anything always elicits a negative emotion.  There are reasons why these fears keep coming into our lives.  Once we face our fears, the fear disappears as this was yet another one of life lessons.
10. Buy organic food and express gratitude before eating it – organic food has more nutrition than GMO’s, so that alone will increase your physical energy, which in turn will increase your spiritual vibrations, especially if you bless or express gratitude before eating your food.
11. Do things or be with people who make you laugh – laughter is a very high vibrational energy, even if we’re laughing at ourselves!
12. Ask your spirit guides and guardian angels for help and direction – your spirit guides and guardian angels are eagerly awaiting your call for assistance, so ask them for guidance, assistance, protection and direction each day!

A few other sites that also explore raising your vibration, how and why to do it:

How to Raise Your Vibration

In5d

You Are Truly Loved

Wake Up World

I Am a Wild Child

I am a Wild Child trapped in a woman's body! Everything I do, say, and experience is done with a wildness and fervor that emanates from my soul continuously. I love fiercely, I laugh loudly, I hurt deeply, and I play hard. I am a big ball of never ending energy and emotions that I can usually appreciate. I have been described as crazy, silly, sweet, a spaz, child-like, weird, exasperating, wonderful, and annoying. I am all of these things and then some! And here I am trying to make my way in a world of rules and structures, boundaries and principles that I have never really gotten a grasp of. Every single day I learn something new about myself, but what remains the same since the day I rushed my way into this world is that at heart I am a wild child. This is who I am, and now you know too. Thank you for caring enough to take a peek at my journey along the way...

xoxo,

Kourtnie