Chaos

I am frightened that I may be Bipolar or be suffering with Cyclothymia, a less severe form of Bipolar Disorder. My mood swings are wild and out of control. It's at a point that it's affecting my personal relationships and quality of life. I have friends who have remarked, particularly in the last few weeks, that my ups and downs are very obvious to them. I have lost 9 pounds in the last two weeks, I feel inept at decision making, my sleeping patterns are being disrupted despite taking sleep aids every evening, and my moods swing wildly between elation and depression, sometimes in as little time as 24 hours. I thought everything I've been through in the last few months could have been the reason, but I'm seeing a pattern that has extended even beyond the craziness of the last few years. I feel like a lunatic, I feel all over the place, and I feel like I'm doing damage to my life. I have been researching and the more I read about it, I am convinced I am suffering from a mood disorder. My mother was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when she was 38. The doctors misdiagnosed her and treated her for depression for over 10 years before they realized what she was dealing with. Bipolar Disorder and Cyclothymia may be genetic, and the chances of being diagnosed with it jump if you have a parent that has been diagnosed with it. I feel distressed and alone, and really powerless about what I'm going through. I've been advised to find a psychiatrist that specializes in these disorders, and I am searching but haven't found one yet. On top of my fear of what I'm dealing with, I am scared of the cost and time it will take to diagnose and help stabilize me. And I am dismayed at the thought of having to be medicated for the rest of my life. Being in therapy lately has help me to realize this is something I can clearly remember dealing with as early as 10 years old. And while I know that I can't be diagnosed without a professional, self tests have me scoring very high on the scale of the possibility of being affected with Bipolar Disorder or Cyclothymia. I feel scared and very alone in this chaos...